:)

today i look extrememly cute :)

and best of all... i went through some of my old clothes and found *the* perfect bra for this shirt!! i'm so so so happy about that... which i know seems kind of wierd, but it really is, in fact, the perfect bra for this particular shirt.

it's so odd, the things that make me happy. lol.


there are many things that make me happy. i remind myself of them here... but i should try and focus on them at all times.

good always comes with bad. instead of dwelling on that, maybe i should just try harder to enjoy all the things that make today a good day.

a warm and purring cat besides me.

that she chooses to be with me.


no matter what anyone says or thinks about my little girl, she is the most loving kitty in the world.
its just that she doesn't love anyone but me :P


and very soon... PANCAKES!!! you are all jealous.

thanks :)

gracias

merci

danke

ありがとうございました


a hundred times in a hundred different ways, thank you...

for everything you've said, for everything you've done;
for who you are, and for who you will be.

because i think, maybe, you made the sun shine brighter, and made the sky more blue today.
because i know -- you put a smile on my face.




these words are for everyone... right now, though, they are for you, specifically.
thanks, man :)


♥ cyn

right now, i am offering a prayer of thanks that i still had these hearing protectors in my desk drawer at work... the cabinet i'm using is very loud, and i was getting a headache. right now, with these plugs in, i can barely hear the clack of the keys as i type (and i ususally type pretty loud).


it's nice... it's like, a blanket wrapped around my hearing. everything is muffled, and i hear mostly just my own breathing. like i have this nice, calm pocket of peace all to myself.


i need to sleep today. thank god i can leave by 6 pm. sleep will be wonderful. i'm looking forward to dreaming of something... shiny :)

lovely green tea. i am really exceptionally pleased with this tea. i think i'm burning through this box too fast, though. i'll have to get more soon.


glad i somehow managed to wake up at a reasonable hour. i'm still really unsure as to just how that happened, but... well, here i am. i'm going to head home in a few minutes to check on my kids and have a nice, relaxing lunch. at a normal hour. woo hoo!


the following picture is as requested:




i'm not sure it falls under the category of "wonderful things" -- it's kind of creepy, i think -- but, well, here it is.

konpeitou is a wonderful thing. granted... it's nothing but sugar and food coloring. but they *look* cool, and they feel kind of fun when you roll them on your tongue.

you want them. admit it!


konnichi wa, everyone.

i am spoiled.

:)


this afternoon, one of hte department secretaries walked in and let me know there were a bunch of leftovers from some luncheon yesterday -- SCORE!! so i got to make myself a free and tasty sandwich. i was quite pleased. i also snagged a bagel ;)

right now i'm drinking Harney & Sons "japanese sencha", which i think is hands down the best green tea i've ever had. i ordered some at the java slut, and subsequently had to buy a box. it's THAT tasty. i'm on my second pot of it for today... ahhhh, so soothing. green tea and こんぺいとう, it's a little slice of heaven in my office.

yesterday's sky was a beautiful blue, today's is equally lovely!


so. a few nights ago, i had a friend of mine pay me a really really nice compliment. i have always seen this person as practically a force of nature -- someone who always goes their own way and does their own thing, and makes it work. it always amuse/amazes me, the way i have seen people just bend to her will. i often think, i could never be like that.
my friend told me i am strong. i told her i really wasn't at all, but she insisted. she said i am strong, and that she admires that about me. i don't recall exactly, but i think she might have said that she wished she could be more like me in that aspect.

i was kind of stunned, and very very flattered. i believe she was sincere. it means a lot :)



i didn't have much computer time yesterday... i was pretty busy. but i did manage to dash off an e-mail to the super hot japanese boy who was a guest in our class on monday -- oh so hot! and he wrote me back ;)

"well, even though i don't know anything about DJ or something,
i'm really interested in it, so i'm looking forward to talking to you!"

oh... yum. hahahahahahaha. no, no... it's just a distraction ;)
but it's a damned HOT distraction *grin*


speaking of class and good news... someone got an A on their midterm ^_~

green tea and dragonflies... i miss that journal. i need to get a tattoo before the end of this year. it should incorporate some or all of the following elements: a calico cat, a dragonfly, a cherry blossom, and the phrase "of the earth" in japanese. i thought maybe a cat with dragonfly wings...

maybe i should just get my 妹 kitty tattoo and let my sister get her 姉 later. hmmmm.

woo hoo!! i just pre-ordered the new ayumi hamasaki album!! i'm soooooooo excited!!

cute cute cute j-pop girl. ayu rocks. happy happy, joy joy!! ^_^

now i just have to wait til january for it to be released... man... :P




this journal layout is ridiculously customizable. i like it. expect further changes when i make the time (read: when i am bored at work with about 6 hrs to kill).

;)

boden called last night -- boden!! so pleased. it makes me so happy that boden and i can be friends again... i've missed him. dunno when i can actually save the money to go see him, but i am excited to see him again, in any case.


i need to start a christmas list :)



so so so. there have been some strange and good going on's. things that i have clarified for myself this weekend. i'm pleased that i seem to be able to let go of some of the hurt now... and while my emotional responses aren't ideal, it's good to know that some habits are slowly fading. there are many things that can be accomplished with time and effort. make the effort, it's good for you.



this weekend, on saturday, actually, i had a very calm and wonderful moment. i would be lying to say that, at that moment, i felt totally ok with myself -- i think i still have a lot of work to do with that. (day by day, day by day... it always gets better, you know) but i did feel ok with being single. even if i am, and even if i always will be... you know, somebody loved me once, and it's a good feeling to know that... somebody absolutely wonderful.

how on earth did i deserve that? *why* would i deserve that? ... and you know, that is my usual response. kind of like how compliments make me uncomfortable, as i have trouble believing them.
but i believe this. and if that's true... maybe it's ok for me to believe that i do deserve that.

someone saw me, really saw me, and saw who i am. saw the person that i'll sometimes see in the mirror, and smile. saw things other people miss. it still kind of amazes me. i'm so grateful. if i can remember this one thing... then maybe i can remember not to be so hard on myself. i wonder why i have to hold on to my old habit of disliking myself. fuck pavlov's dog, lol.

english toffee cappucino. too sweet, but tasty nonetheless.


so now i can cry, because i'm not sad -- i'm actually happy, in an unusual way. i think it might be hard for some people to understand that... but it's a normal thing for me; if i can feel good about myself, if i discover in myself some pocket of self-love... i usually cry. because it's so beautiful, and it's so rare. it's such a gift, to be able to love yourself.

one step at a time. i'm going to be that person again, that person who makes people smile just by walking into a room -- that person who radiates love and happiness and good vibes. this time i will be better, because i plan to have all those feelings for myself, too. it would be selfish not to give myself what i give so freely to others. i'm so mean to me :P



my kitty is waiting for me at the apartment. i love my memory of napping in my room in the summer, a clean breeze flowing through the window, with ryo asleep next to me on the pillow and stormy perched on my shoulder. i also love the fact that i have woken up recently to find both my cats asleep on the bed besides me... easy does it, maybe they won't be friends, but they are at least acting like real siblings now ;)


a little more every day. excited about my costume for my sister's halloween party... and she showed me a picture of a ring. it should be soon... i'm going to be standing up in my sister's wedding, ha. and i have even bought the black open toed shoes... so she better not change her mind about those, lol. i want my sister to get married. i want to know ryan will always take care of her. it's odd that i'm not jealous of what she has with him... of her, sometimes, but not of her and ryan. i guess, in my life, i've always done everything my own way in my own time, which tends to not fall into the status quo. i wonder what life has planned for me.


samurai, hahahahaha. the new pen pal cracks my shit up. do you know in japan, the old term for husband means "master"? jesus! lol. i think i'd better give up on japanese boys, can anyone really see me calling a man my "master"...? HA!

speaking of pen pals... the girl in my user icon is one of the people on the pen pal site. i wrote to her the fisrt time around, but apparently she didn't want to be pen pals with someone a decade older than her, lol. i swear half these people use the pen pal site as some kind of fucked up dating service! oh well, she's absolutely adorable, so she stays as an icon until i can find a suitable "cute japanese school girl" picture to replace her.


i'm tired. i will sleep like the dead tonight. it ought to be good, lol, considering how f'd up my sleep schedule has been...

goodnight, world :)

today the sky is very, very blue... and it makes me happy :)


i have decided that once it snows, i will make a snow angel on the lawn of my apartment complex, lol. the last time i made a snow angel... was in the winter of 2000/2001. joni and i ran out of the dorms and had a blast playing in the snow. i'll do that again this year, even if it is dirty detroit snow :P